Embryo Update “Call me tomorrow”

I’ve been holding out on doing an update because I’ve been waiting for some concrete news (I bet all the IVF veterans out there are slapping their thighs and laughing at this, ‘concrete news’ and ‘IVF’ indeed do not go hand in hand). So I’ve given up on the concrete stuff and decided to update with what I’ve got.

Basically, we still have no idea what will happen this cycle. Well technically, we do have options but each option has a rather gigantic risk, so we are letting the specialist guide us on this one. I’ll go over them at the end of the post after I’ve gone through a rundown on the Embryo development over the past few days.

So most important news first – the only two fertilised eggs are still going by some miracle. Currently on Day 4 of development, Grade 3 (I kind of flipped out when I heard this but the specialist tells us is an average grade, not necessarily a bad thing!) From Googling, I discovered grading appears to vary from clinic to clinic…you know what that means? – Step away from the search engine & trust your specialist!

EMBRYO DAY 1 (day after egg retrieval & day of my last post)

Saturday 21st Feb – 10am

Phone call with specialist. Doc gave us the devastating news that out of 11 mature eggs only 2 fertilised. At this stage one was showing fragments, it appeared as though only one Embryo was in the running. Specialist advised not to start on next lot of medication, he wants to avoid Embryo transfer this month if possible. My last blood test showed progesterone levels were rising prior to egg pickup, this means conditions were not ideal for implantation. Doc said “The fragmented one can still come good at this stage, call me tomorrow 7pm”


Sunday 22nd Feb – 7pm

Rang Doc, he didn’t answer (immediate crazy-hormonal thoughts that he is avoiding our call because he doesn’t want to give us bad news). Phone rings, Doc begins “Sadly…” (oh shit!) “the embryos aren’t developing as fast as they should be” Scott and I silently make wtf-does-that-mean-faces at each other. The doc goes on to explain that it isn’t necessarily a bad sign. He will check how they are tomorrow morning, if they aren’t looking strong then we may transfer then (DAY 3). Although the chance of implantation is low it’s better than no chance at all. He advises to hold off on starting the meds still, and assures me it won’t be too late to start on the same day of transfer if necessary. “Call me tomorrow 9:30am, I’ll be in theatre but I’ll call you back” We hang up the phone. Scott rubs his face and says “This is way too stressful”

I feel a little sad, I don’t want our only 2 embies dying in a dish, but on the other hand I’m going “HOLY SHIT THEY ARE STILL GOING – THIS IS A MIRACLE”


Monday 23rd Feb – 9:30am

Scott insists on taking the day off work in case of either news (he wants to be there if we are transferring, and he wants to be there if it all falls apart). We make the phone call together again. The Doc sounds cautiously optimistic, they have divided further (OMG “THEY”- YOU MEAN THEY ARE BOTH STILL THERE – We are in complete disbelief) They are both currently grade 2 and could make it through. He is hoping they will continue getting stronger, he advises to wait another day to see how they are looking. Hold off on meds again. “Call me tomorrow 9:30am”


Tuesday 24th Feb – 8:30am

So we are supposed to be calling the Doc at 9:30, so why on earth do I have a missed call from him at 8:30am??? Oh no, what’s wrong! We call straight back without even listening to the voicemail. He tells us that the embryos have “moved on” again Scott and I make wtf-does-that-mean faces at each other. Is that some kind of specialist talk for Embryo heaven? He clarifies they have divided further – one 8 cell and one 10 cell. OMG I’ll put my heart back in my chest – HALLELUJAH! I wonder if the specialist can tell that I’m verging on psychotic yet or if I’m doing an extremely good job of concealing it. The only thing is, they are one day behind (Currently equal to Day 3 Development). Apparently the slow growth isn’t necessarily a bad thing either. They are now grade 3 and he is hoping that they may even make it to freeze. Depending on how they look at Day 5 we will either transfer or try to grow them further for freezing. He advises that I may need to come in after lunch for transfer “Call me tomorrow 9:30am”

So I’m beginning to see a pattern with all this. Maybe I’ll start to develop an eye twitch whenever someone says “call me tomorrow”. It’s too bad that tomorrow feels like a gazillion years away, especially when you are confined to the couch because your ovaries hurt when you walk (ok sorry I’ve got my whinge out of the way now).



PRO: Avoid possibility of embryo dying in dish

PRO: Teenie chance of pregnancy, which means 1st IVF won’t be completely fruitless.

CON: Embryo very unlikely to implant this month (given my hormone levels)

CON: Only one embryo will be left, and odds not in our favour that our only embryo will make it to freeze.


PRO: If an embryo makes it, our prospects for implantation will be greater next month

PRO: Won’t have to go through round of injections & surgery for a Frozen (FET) Cycle

CON: Extremely risky, as they may not be strong enough to make it.

CON: Prospect of it failing and having no embryos to transfer after huge emotional and financial investment is terrifying.

We’re hoping they’ll be strong and we have no idea what the right thing is to do.

I must say, I’ve never been a fan of gambling.



Our Roller Coaster Week & Egg Collection Update

A few days ago we were absolutely ecstatic that my egg collection this month was going ahead. My follicles had grown quite a bit and things were looking great!

The same day I received the good news, I began to feel rather ill, I had a severe case of diarrhoea that I honestly didn’t think much of until I woke up the next day and still felt rather shocking. I googled “diarrhoea” with “Gonal-F” and also “Orgalutran” and both searches came up the same. “If you experience diarrhoea this may be a symptom of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome, call your specialist immediately”. So I did what Dr Google told me to, and called the specialist first thing that morning just to be sure. I left a message with the receptionist and the Doctor called back shortly after. He told me that the Diarrhoea was indeed a bit abnormal but to consume lots of water and try to avoid food for a while to see if it sorts itself out.  He then said he was about to call me that morning anyway because he had some news about my blood test.

Apparently my progesterone levels were rising (this is the hormone that is released post ovulation). He explained that this means my body is a bit out of sync and hence the conditions are not ideal for Embryo transfer. Why body, WHY? The Embryo Transfer may need to be postponed until next month, but will be dependent on many varying factors (whether the embryos will be strong enough to freeze, whether we will have enough embryos to give it a go this month).

This was quite the letdown to Scott and I, as we were eager to have everything done this month. Still, it wasn’t the end of the world, the past weeks of injections hadn’t been completely fruitless because egg collection was still proceeding. Plus it would also mean that I would have the opportunity to further focus on looking after myself so that I could be in tip top condition for the embryo transfer next month.

I did what the doc said and I avoided food for many hours and drank plenty of water. I was relieved when the diarrhoea sorted itself out. That day I continued with injections (the final ones Yeehaaaa!) And finished the day with my Trigger Shot (Ovidrel EpiPen) at 10pm. 37 hours later I would be going into surgery, it was exciting!!!

The next day, (DAY 14 – the day before egg collection) no drugs are taken at all. I felt kind of bloated and a little crampy but not too bad overall.



A diagram of the Egg collection procedure

This was the day we were anxiously awaiting, finally there would be some definite answers on how many mature eggs I have hiding in those follicles. We were hoping for 10!

I was very excited about the surgery and surprisingly not too nervous, mainly just anxious to find out the results.

At 4:30am I got up, and although I wasn’t hungry at all then, I had a banana and drank 1 litre of water (this was because I wouldn’t be able to consume anything for 6 hrs prior to surgery due to the anaesthetic requirements). I knew I would be super starving and thirsty if I didn’t get up before 5am to eat and drink! That morning, I was feeling fairly uncomfortable with bloating and cramping.

We were due at the hospital at 9:30am with all our paperwork ready and Scott’s jar of you-know-what!

Shortly after we paid the fees for the surgery a nurse came and interviewed Scott and I to check that she had all the information she required. Then she took me up to the forth floor where the theatres were.

I stripped off and got changed into some very attractive getup, complete with blue paper booties and a nice papery shower cap (I truly apologise for the fact that there is no photo of me in this, I left my phone with Scott unfortunately so couldn’t document it). Then armed with my white garbage bag of possessions, I proceeded to a waiting room with 4 other women just chilling together in our striped gowns and no undies.

The hour wait felt pretty long to be honest, not just because daytime telly is appalling, but because it was obvious that the other ladies were quite nervous. One poor lady was even having bad cramps, I really felt for her, she couldn’t even sit up straight.

Then finally my Specialist was there in the doorway and it was such a relief to see him – I have a lot of trust in this man! He took me through to another waiting room where the anaesthetist came to meet me. The anaesthetist was sooo lovely, I can’t speak more highly of him. He had such a lovely manner about him, he spoke very calmly and I immediately felt at ease. He told me about the risks with the procedure but assured me he would be there the entire time to look after me.

Then I was off to the theatre and the atmosphere was far different to what I anticipated. There were about 7 in the room all up, including my specialist and the anaesthetist. They were all super lovely and very jovial. They were cracking jokes with one another and once again, I felt any anxiety I had been feeling subside.

One of the nurses came and untied my smock so that my bum was on display for all to see (yep there ain’t nothing glamorous about this I’m afraid). Then I hopped onto the bed, awkwardly with my booties slipping off and my butt exposed. I lay down under the blanket and the anaesthetist came to put the drip in my arm. He had quite a bit of trouble getting the needle in and was extremely apologetic. The specialist came and held my hand and told me not to look (he mustn’t have got my memo – I am Ash conqueror of needles, HEAR ME ROAR).

Then I woke up. And a lovely nurse was right there beside me with her smiling face telling me everything went really well and my doc will be there shortly to see me. I  felt really great, surprisingly alert with what felt like mild period pain.

My doctor came in and said they had gotten 17 eggs. SEVENTEEN!!! I felt like I had won the lotto. He told me that the sperm was on the low side so we would be doing ICSI for all eggs (where they take a single sperm and inject into the egg).

I stayed lying down in the bed for a good half hour or so, with the nurses checking on me frequently to offer heat packs and pain killers and to check my pad (yep that’s right). I actually didn’t feel bad pain at all so I declined the pain killers.

I felt extremely lucky as I watched the other women in the ward feeling dizzy and in pain. One patient was helped up by the nurses and then almost passed out, so was put back to bed. I felt rather guilty when I was released and walked past all the women that had gone into surgery before me, still restricted to their beds.

Scotto was there to pick me up. So I told him the good news! 17 Eggs!! WOOHOO!!!

The nurse came and gave me instructions on Ovarian Hyperstimulation which apparently I am still at risk of due to the number of eggs I produced. Told me that I may spot for a few days but if there is any heavier bleeding to seek medical help. I was advised to eat plenty of protein (I assume to assist with the healing) and keep my fluids up. All the advice seemed pretty straight forward.

Later that afternoon the pain hit me and the bloating was incredibly uncomfortable. It was a very uncomfortable evening because every little movement gave me a sharp pain in my abdomen. I took some panadol and it did nothing, the heat pack was much more effective so Scott carried out heat pack duty for the evening.


Still feeling bloated and very uncomfortable the morning following egg collection

We were given instructions to phone the specialist the following morning at 10am to find out how many were mature and how many were fertilised.

This morning we made that phone call and it wasn’t a very good outcome unfortunately. Of the 17 eggs, 11 were mature (which is good) however only 2 of the 11 were fertilised. This was a complete shock and devastating news. Usually 60% of mature eggs will fertilise. Our specialist can’t give any explanation as to why this happened to us, he said that we may never know what the reason was. I knew that even fertilised eggs can drop quickly in the coming days, so I asked him what the chances were that these two would survive. He didn’t have an answer for us (which I kind of already knew) and he said that maybe these two eggs were meant to be, maybe they will stick it out.

Tomorrow night we will ring the specialist again to find out if they made it to day 3.

I had a big cry and Scott is very upset and frustrated. It’s horrible not knowing what went wrong and an incredibly emotional time as we wait anxiously to see if we have to make the same financial and emotional investment to do it all again next month. It’s human nature to want to fix things, and it is extremely hard dealing with so much of the unknown along this journey.

Processed with MOLDIV

After I had my big cry today, we went to the markets to buy some flowers. I picked 3 beautiful bunches in muted tones and we headed home. I arranged the flowers in the nursery (the room that we have called the nursery for over 3 years now).

I made two small vases in honour of the two eggs that made it overnight. Then I made one big bunch to represent all the hope we are sending them and stuck it in the middle. I also painted a pot plant and moved it to the nursery. It was an odd little ritual that somehow made me feel better about today.

Come what may tomorrow, it’s still going to be our year. I know it.






My IVF cycle – The Technical stuff


I’ve spoken about emotions a lot on this blog so far but I haven’t really touched much on all the scientific stuff. I’m currently on Day 16 and finished my injections a couple of days ago, so I thought it may be useful to do a post about my specific cycle and give a rundown on any side effects I experienced.

Firstly, it’s important to note that each IVF cycle will vary slightly from person to person. This will be dependent on the circumstance as well as the specialist’s informed opinions and preferences.

There are different protocols for IVF treatments.

The protocol I’m doing for this cycle is what is know as ‘IVF Antagonist’ (sounds fancy right?)

There are two main types of drugs involved in this Antagonist cycle.

1.Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH/ Stims)


Scott armed with the Gonal-F EpiPen for my very first injection – would you trust this man?

WHAT IT DOES: Stimulates the ovaries to produce many follicles (which hopefully contain healthy eggs)

WHAT I’M TAKING: GONAL-F (125IU)- In the form of an EpiPen (subcutaneous injection into the lower abdomen)

HOW SCARY IS IT REALLY: Not scary at all!!! I could inject this one myself after Scott did the first injection (I will reiterate that I am not good with needles at all- if I can do this anyone can!) It honestly doesn’t hurt at all, it’s super easy to insert because it’s such a fine needle. Sometimes you may bleed a teenie tiny bit (1 tiny drop). Also, I bruise easily yet never got a bruise from this one.

SIDE EFFECTS: Hardly anything significant at all – woooohooo! Just a little bit of bloat going on, nothing terrible. Some mild hot flashes.

2. Gonadotrophin Releasing Hormone (GnRH)

WHAT IT DOES: This is where the antagonist part comes into play, as it prevents the pituitary gland from producing Luteinising Hormone (in a normal cycle this is the hormone responsible for releasing an egg).

WHAT I’M TAKING: ORGALUTRAN – In the form of a single use needle (subcutaneous injection into the lower abdomen). Must be taken at exactly the same time each day!



Orgalutran – a teenie tiny needle that had me terrified for no reason

HOW SCARY IS IT REALLY: How on earth can this tiny little needle strike so much fear in me? They should have just encased it in gigantic white plastic cylinder, so you can’t see the syringe part (like the EpiPen) because for some strange reason that plastic cylinder makes everything seem ok. So the nurses kind of had me freaked out about this little guy right from the start. They kept saying that it’s a slightly thicker needle, so a bit harder to go in. So I spent the first few days being a total chicken and forcing my mum-in-law to inject me haha!

Once I got to the point that I could watch it go in, I started thinking “hmmm, I think I can actually do this”. One morning as I was trying to psych myself up to do it, my mum-in-law messaged saying “Am I doing your injection today?” I took that as a sign and decided that I would be really brave and do it myself. I didn’t do a very good job to be honest because I was really shaky and the air bubble was not really in the right place inside the needle, so I could kind of feel it which felt a tiny bit strange. But the sense of accomplishment afterwards was pretty damn good! And I definitely got better at it after that. I only got one tiny little bruise from this guy.

SIDE EFFECTS: Immediate side effects at site of injection, nothing dramatic, just a tiny rash, a little bit of stinging and itchiness. It all subsides within 2 hours.

I was also getting a bit more bloated after taking Orgalutran but I can’t distinguish whether that was due to Orgalutran or Gonal-F. My boobs were super dooper sore and massive too (well massive for me haha), once again not sure which injection is the culprit for this or whether it was a joint effort from the two.

Other drugs involved are:

  • MELATONIN – in the form of a tablet – YAY it’s not another needle!! (apparently a powerful antioxidant to improve egg quality)
  • OVIDREL (which is ‘Human Choriogonadotrophin Alfa Hormone’ or ‘HCG’ – thank goodness there is an abbreviation!) In the form of an EpiPen (subcutaneous injection into lower abdomen) This is the Trigger Shot (to complete egg maturation and to release the eggs, taken very specifically at exactly 37 hrs prior to egg collection surgery, the eggs will release at 38hrs. Yes it is that specific – isn’t the human body amazing!!)
Processed with MOLDIV

Ovidrel – My final injection to release my eggies!

Below is a calendar of what my IVF cycle looks like:

DAY 1 (of cycle/period) – Advise clinic, collect drugs & learn how to administer them with the nurses at the fertility centre.


  • Blood Test first thing in morning – 7am
  • Await instructions from Specialist as to whether you can start injections.
  • Take 1st FSH injection of Gonal-F (125IU in my case)
  • Take 5mg of Melatonin at night (tablet)

DAYS 3, 4 & 5 

  • Daily FSH injection of Gonal-F (125IU)
  • 5mg of Melatonin at night

DAY 6  & 7

  • Continue FSH injection of Gonal-F. Continue Melatonin
  • DAY 6 – Commence Orgalutran injections (must be done at exact same time every day)


  • Transvaginal Ultrasound & Blood test to determine whether dose of FSH needs to be increased/ decreased or cycle cancelled.
  • Gonal – F was increased in my case to 200IU as my follicles weren’t the right size (too small)

DAY 9, 10, 11

  • Continue Gonal-F, Orgalutran & Melatonin

DAY 12

  • Return for additional ultrasound and blood test to determine if we proceed to egg collection.
  • Follicles have increased in size. Egg collection booked for day 15
  • Continue FSH, Orgalutran and Melatonin

DAY 13

  • Last day of Injections – Continue FSH, Orgalutran and Melatonin
  • Take trigger shot at 10pm (this is 37hrs prior to egg collection surgery on DAY 15

DAY 14

No injections today!

DAY 15 

  • Egg collection
  • Arrive at Day Hospital at 9:30
  • Semen sample to be provided to hospital
  • 11am Surgery
  • Release from Hospital 2-3hrs post surgery time
  • The scientist will take any eggs that are mature and inject them each with a single sperm (they will select the best sperm of the bunch to do this). This process is called ICSI and is different to IVF. ICSI is used when the sperm sample is not as strong.

Next step is waiting to see which eggs fertilise (this happens overnight)

Then to wait and see if any fertilised eggs divide to form Embryos

If everything is full steam ahead you will commence taking further drugs to support your lining and to encourage the embryo to embed.

Embryo Transfer usually occurs within 2-5 days if you have some healthy Embryos and your hormone levels are sufficient.

In my instance we will only be transferring a single embryo. This is because multiples actually increase your risk of many issues throughout your pregnancy.

So there it is, the technical stuff so far, I’m sure there will be more to come!




Egg pickup is booked – 3 more sleeps!

Today was a great day.

This morning I went back to the specialist for an additional scan and bloods to see whether we were able to proceed with this cycle.

I’m very happy to report that my scan went well today. My follicles have grown a lot since the dose of Gonal-F was increased. My specialist said that there should be 10-12 good size follicles by this Friday! Yahoo!!!

I was so relieved to hear that things had picked up. Before my blood test I went down the lift to buy a bottle of water and to phone Scott. Little did I know that Scott was right outside the building! He had come up to surprise me, or more likely because the suspense had got the better of him (he is the most impatient man alive I swear!) Regardless, I was thrilled to see him there and give him the good news in the flesh.  It was yet another emotional moment. It’s crazy how every little step with IVF seems so monumental. The closer we get, the more exciting, terrifying and real it feels.

After seeing Scott off, I shared the good news with my mum over the phone. Then I headed back in for my blood test and acupuncture appointment.

My acupuncturist commented as soon as she saw me about how happy I looked compared to when she first met me (which was only a few weeks ago, when I was quietly freaking out about everything).

I’m now feeling so positive. Before starting I was really dreading injecting drugs after having terrible side effects with clomid, but everything has gone really smoothly with my IVF cycle. Tomorrow is my last day of injections before the egg pickup, and I’m now injecting everything (Gonal-F & Orgalutran) by myself which feels like such an accomplishment for me!

I think we are all stronger than we give ourselves credit.


Today I saw my Follicles

It’s currently day 8 of my cycle and at 7:00am this morning I had saw my follicles for the very first time. I had a transvaginal ultrasound, which was all over in the matter of a few minutes.

There they were on the screen, looking terribly uninteresting to be honest. Just a few black holes in some grey matter.


Follicles are sacs filled with fluid in which an immature egg develops. These follicles are located in the ovaries. When a follicle finally reaches an ideal size, ovulation occurs, which results in the rupture of the follicle and a release of the egg from the ovary.


Apparently 10 is ideal however the specialist is usually aiming for anything between 8-12 follicles. If there is too many you are at risk of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome and your treatment will likely cease until things are deemed safe by your specialist. From what I’ve read, you can still proceed with the egg collection if you have at least 3 good ones.


Yes it absolutely does! At time of egg collection the little guys need to be bigger than 17mm in diameter. Your oestrogen levels will also be checked (blood test) to make sure they are consistent with this picture. If they aren’t the right size, your cycle will likely be called off for the month.


Eight times!!! (yep that’s quite the overkill)

Which coincidentally happens to be the number of follicles I had!

Things are currently a little rocky because my 8 follicles were a bit all over the shop in the size department. Some were 12mm and some were only 5mm (they still have a week to continue to mature).

At this stage the FSH I’m taking (Gonal-F) will be upped from 125 – 200IU in the hope that they will do some growing over the next few days.

This follicle growing business is tricky stuff. If you grow them too rapidly they won’t be good quality, you are also at risk of overstimulation. So it’s best to start the FSH dose off low and increase if necessary.

In 4 days time (Tuesday 16th) I’m heading back for a follow up scan and bloods. If they haven’t gotten big enough the cycle will be called off.

So not the greatest news today but we are hopeful that things will pick up.

I’ll be sending my follicles good vibes for now, grow little follies, grow!

Bare feet on the earth


So I had read after the embryo transfer that it was very important to keep your feet warm. The logic being that you don’t want your body to be focusing on keeping your tootsies warm instead of your uterus, and you want your uterus to be kept as warm as possible to encourage that little embryo to stick around. This would mean switching the sandals for socks in the midst of a very hot Aussie summer (look, I’m willing to do anything!)

Yesterday I picked the brain of my acupuncturist to see whether she had any additional tips. I told her about the socks thing and she said that this was a good idea and to maybe even put a heat pack on my belly.

Before I rock the socks though, she said most importantly get out on the grass and put my bare feet on the earth.


I love moments like this, when someone gives you a slice of the most delicious and simple advice. Advice that is actually enjoyable (because this is fairly rare on the infertility journey).

So is going barefoot actually beneficial for your health? If you are familiar with the term ‘earthing’ or ‘grounding’ you will know that opting for no shoes is actually good for you!


We are electric beings. The human body is largely water and minerals, a perfect conductor of electricity.  We become electrically charged everyday by simply walking on carpet, wearing clothes and driving cars. Because we are often isolated from any earthing surfaces we stay charged. The earth offers negative ions, so we can achieve some balance by simply ditching the shoes and planting our feet on the earth.

Earthing has been shown to influence health in many positive ways, including improving sleep, reducing stress and inflammation. It has even been shown to reduce muscle and joint pain.

Wet sand and damp grass are said to be optimal for earthing.

If you want to learn more about earthing have a look at this article which outlines some of the findings. Of course there are many more articles available online and like anything out there, there are also many skeptics crying bogus.

So do I know that earthing will even affect the success of an IVF cycle? Nope!

What I do know (scientific debate aside) is that I love I being outdoors, throwing off my shoes and going for a stroll on the grass. I love the feel of the grass under my feet, and the sun on my skin. It makes me happy and relaxed. My IVF game plan is to fill my days with the good stuff, the simple things that I enjoy. If that happens to benefit me in more ways than one, well honestly what’s to lose?



Small milestones

Today is day 4 of injections (FSH or ‘stims’ for those who are really down with the lingo). They come in an epi-pen that is very user friendly. Oh and I am so happy to report that there are no side effects! Hooray!!!!!!

Oh and guess what?!!! I have been injecting myself the past 3 days! Gosh I’m so proud!

If the needles have been putting you off IVF, let me tell you that you can’t even feel the needle! I mean NOT AT ALL! It’s quite a phenomenon really and I promise I’m not lying.

The next needle won’t be quite so nice so I’ve got my mum-in-law lined up to help me out with that one! Scott will probably be at work at the time I need to take it, and you mustn’t miss the time by any longer than 10 mins (it’s a very strict one!)

I’ve been really focusing on being kind to myself the last few days. I’ll do a specific post on the steps I’ve been taking to keep my stress under control.


Let’s do this thing!

12hrs post blood test, I got a call back from the specialist. He apologised for the delay in getting back to me and then he said “you’re all ready to go”.

I was out to dinner with a dear friend at the time I received the call. I actually felt incredibly emotional – a mixture of excitement and feeling bloody terrified. I was really glad to be there with her because she truly radiates positivity which negated the sheer terror side quite a bit.

After a few tears, I called Scott and gave him the good news. “We’re doing it, this is it”

I headed home shortly after. I called mum on the way and cried some more (they were happy tears).

When I arrived home Scott looked like a tonne of bricks had just hit him. He was very quiet. We gave each other a big hug. And then I got out my whiz bang drug kit, we dialled up the needle, both as terrified as each other and before I could even pinch my abdomen skin together he was coming at me with it (he does this ‘bull at a gate’ thing whenever he is nervous). Meanwhile I was going ‘Whoa hold on a minute’ laughing, Scott was not laughing at all – he was definitely ‘in the zone’.

And then it was in, and over…I barely felt it and I even snapped a pic (note: I am not good with needles at all, so this fact is remarkable).image

I messaged a couple of close friends and our parents, and then we took the selfie that you see here. I look at this picture and can see our emotions written on our faces. Those wet eyes say to me; happy, scared & above all hopeful.

This is it, this is really happening -the most testing month of our lives has just commenced and it will all be absolutely worth it, if we can finally bring a baby into the world.


Waiting by the phone

Today Scott and I have been waiting by the phone. We went into the city this morning to get my bloods done and now we are waiting for the green light from the specialist.

If he gives us the go ahead today we will be starting our very first injection.

Our fingers are crossed that we can start.

We are ready for this roller coaster ride.